And so we say goodbye

I love you, buddy And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. File not found. Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never… Continue reading And so we say goodbye

With a warning label

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. You’re going to do his laundry? Say what? No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own!… Continue reading With a warning label

So I really am important?

Pansy. Doomsday device? Ah, now the ball’s in Farnsworth’s court! Kif might! Bender, we’re trying our best. Are you crazy? I can’t swallow that. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages! So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct? Really?! You… Continue reading So I really am important?

Michelle, I don’t regret

Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school! This opera’s as lousy as it is brilliant! Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can’t just have your characters announce how they… Continue reading Michelle, I don’t regret